The Energy Between Us

And I felt like I should say this today — what I feel about the basic understanding of men and women, masculine and feminine, how different they are, how they can complement each other, and how much of a difference it can make in our lives when each person is able to root themselves in their natural energy. This isn't about saying that men should always be a certain way or women should always be another way. Both masculine and feminine energies exist within every one of us.

But I feel that when we understand the difference between them, and when we allow ourselves to experience them naturally, something in life begins to make much more sense. I have this example in my mind that men are like soil and women are like the sapling. But the way a sapling grows depends so much on the soil it is rooted in. Feminine energy, to me, is reflective in nature. It reflects whatever is given to it. It receives, absorbs, responds and, in many ways, multiplies what it receives.

Masculine energy is grounding. It gives stability, direction, structure and a sense of being held. And both these energies are present within every man and woman. It is not that a man can only be masculine or a woman can only be feminine. Both energies exist within us, and we should be able to move between them depending on what a situation demands. But when two people come together, something changes. If a woman wants to root herself deeply into her feminine nature, a man needs to be rooted in his masculine. That is how the two energies balance and complement each other.

And if a man wants to be more in his feminine energy, then naturally, the woman may have to take up more of the masculine energy. There is nothing wrong with that. But the dynamic changes. When a man is rooted in his masculine, he can still be soft. In fact, I feel a person who is truly strong can afford to be soft. But when someone who is naturally more receptive and nurturing is constantly required to become strong, protective, decisive and self-sufficient, it can become exhausting.

This is why I feel a woman does not necessarily need a man to protect her from everyone or everything. She needs to feel safe with him. Not because she is incapable of taking care of herself. But because when she feels safe, she doesn't have to constantly be in the state of protecting herself. She can relax. And when she relaxes, she can root herself into her feminine energy. That is also why I think love and feeling loved can work differently through these two energies.

Within ourselves, I sometimes see the masculine as the mind and the feminine as the heart. If you want the heart to respond, you cannot force it to respond. You have to know what to say. You have to know how to approach it. You have to say the right things in a way that makes the heart want to open. In the same way, when a man is rooted in his masculine energy and is with a woman rooted in her feminine, he has to know how to approach her.

He needs to express. He needs to initiate. He needs to make her feel seen. He needs to create the space in which she naturally wants to respond to him. That is why, since olden days, we have had so many songs and stories where men sing for women. They describe women beautifully. They express their longing. They take initiative in forming a relationship. They provide. They protect. And then the woman becomes everything for him.

She nurtures him. She takes care of him. She fills the relationship with warmth and affection. She gives back everything she receives, and somehow, she makes it even more.

If a man wants to feel loved, cared for and desired, he needs to work on himself and take care of his woman. Because she reflects and multiplies what she receives. If she feels loved, she expresses that love back to him. And then he feels deeply loved by the very love he created space for.

But if a man doesn't want to do anything and simply sits and says, “I want to be loved. You love me. You take care of me,”while constantly showing disappointment, disrespect, anger or negativity towards the woman beside him, how can he expect something completely different to come back? If she is reflective, she will reflect what she is experiencing. She may eventually start giving back the very emotions she has been receiving.

I feel that somewhere along the way, the basic understanding of these differences between masculine and feminine energies has been lost. Women are increasingly having to root themselves in masculine energy because many men no longer want to take up the grounding role traditionally associated with masculine energy. Women are becoming providers. They are becoming protectors. They are making decisions. They are taking care of themselves.

They are managing homes, careers, finances, emotions and everything else that life demands. And many men, at the same time, seem to want to remain in a softer space while still wanting to be loved, cared for, desired and nurtured. But what does that demand from women? That is where I feel the imbalance begins. Because if a woman is already providing for herself, protecting herself, making her own decisions, taking care of herself and building the life she wants — then naturally she begins to ask:

“What do I need a man for?” Women today are capable of earning. They are capable of living independently. They can take care of themselves. They can build a life they enjoy. So marriage is no longer something they necessarily need for survival.

And when it becomes a choice, the question naturally becomes: “What does this relationship bring into my life?” Because just a physical equation cannot balance a relationship. There has to be something deeper. There has to be companionship. There has to be emotional connection. There has to be safety. There has to be polarity. There has to be an exchange where both people feel that the other person is adding something beautiful to their life.

I don't think the answer is that women should become weaker or men should become harder.

A woman can be incredibly strong and still want to soften with the right man. A man can be deeply masculine and still be vulnerable, emotional, affectionate and gentle. Strength does not disappear because softness appears. In fact, I think it is the strength underneath the softness that allows softness to exist. A woman can stand on her own feet and still want someone beside her who makes her feel that she doesn't have to carry everything alone.

A man can be strong enough to provide and protect and still come home and want to be held. Both are human. Both are needed. But perhaps the problem is that we have forgotten the beauty of balance. When life demands it, either person should be able to become strong. Either person should be able to protect. Either person should be able to provide. Either person should be able to hold the other. But when there is no battle to fight, perhaps there is something beautiful in allowing each person to return to their natural way of being.

The masculine grounds. The feminine reflects. The masculine gives direction. The feminine gives life to what is given. The masculine creates a space. The feminine fills that space with warmth. And when both people are conscious of what they are giving and what they are receiving, neither feels deprived. They nourish each other. Maybe that is what we have lost. Not equality. Not strength. Not independence. Balance. And perhaps the most beautiful relationship is not one where two people need each other because they cannot survive alone.

It is where two people are capable of standing alone, but when they come together, they make life softer, fuller and more beautiful for each other. That, to me, is the beauty of masculine and feminine polarity. Not superiority. Not dependence. Not weakness.